the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
