I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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