Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
