I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
