May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
