I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
