So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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