How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize