Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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