They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
