A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
