Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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