Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
