I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize