sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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