I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
