this beer tastes like vomit already
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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