How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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