Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize