just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
