i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am one with the molecules
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
