I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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