i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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