I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
