The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
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His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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