Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
