Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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