Moan for me like Helen Keller
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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