his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
