i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
