so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize