NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think a kid would responsible me up
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
