i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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