Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
