I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
