Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
is it fun? or sober?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
