I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i think i just lost a toe
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
