I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
