Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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