Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
