I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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