I'm gonna have a badass scar
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
