Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
