everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
