just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
