I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
