I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
