I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
