found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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