I showed him my bush... on skype.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just had sex on a roof
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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