Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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