Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
