ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
