I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
