Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
