My sheets look like a crime scene.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
