Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
