Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
