Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
