The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh god it's open bar.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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