lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
