You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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