I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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