Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
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You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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