Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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