God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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