your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
