I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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