Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
