YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
