did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
