Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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