I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
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On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
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I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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