The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize